Encouragement

Don't tell yourself you can't do it; you're already doing it!

A Most Blessed Person

The last few weeks have afforded me so much opportunity.  I feel like a crab that is growing in its shell.  Some day, my shell will be too small.  I've suddenly become so incredibly poor and, wanting to take responsibility for my own care, I'm noticing how many things I've had done for me my whole life.  I didn't pay for school, for food, for clothes, for books, for fun--any of those thing--before.  Now, I have to be aware of what comes and goes in my world.  I have to plan as well as look back.  It's incredibly stressful, for example, to wonder how I'm going to pay for next semester, or how I'm going to find an internship.  These are things that I have to take care of, because I'm supposed to be a grown up.  Looking back, though, I am always reminded how I never wanted for anything.  It gives me joy and peace that far overwhelms my future anxieties.  I knew once in the deepest part of my heart that God was never going to leave me alone, and I'm reminded today that that is still true.  "Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeded out of the mouth of God."  As the ravens fed the prophet Elijah, so will the servants of God feed me, if I trust.  It sounds awfully poetic, but it's also very true.  The tears I might have shed in self-pity have been turned to tears of gratitude, as water into wine.

The Verge

Last night, I was struggling.  I don't really know why I struggle so much; all I can ascribe it to is this hard life.  Right as I was on the verge of tears, my roommate walked in with a package from my mom.  As I opened it, I looked through the many pictures my mom had sent; she sent it for my family history project--I decided to take my mom's pictures and create scrapbooks for our family's history.  As I looked, I remembered just how good my life has been.  It's been so full and so fun.  I have no real reason to be sad.

Best Friends

  I am grateful today.  I felt prompted to call my friend Morgan Johnson, which is funny, because when I called her, I just wanted to make her feel good.  It's her birthday, after all.  What ended up happening was she asked me about the things I cared most about and she extracted my problems from my mind!  Then she proceeded to talk me out of worrying about them and made me feel super good about myself.  She's a great friend who I haven't talked to in forever.  Sometimes you can't appreciate things fully unless you live without them for a while.
  I don't have many friends, but I have the best ones.

Kill Shot

Ok not really.  We did go shooting today though.  For family home evening, we went out of Rexburg and shot some heavy guns.  I shot this huge shot gun that almost knocked me over; actually I was impressed at how well I stood my ground.  My roommate Kelsey, however, didn't do so hot at standing still.
Sadly, Erin could not be with us tonight.
At the end, we had a bonfire, told mission stories, and ate hot dogs and smores.  It was a great evening.

Gini owning the AR-15

Cathy-her dad is a cop-who knows how to shoot a gun but isn't featured with one here

Kayla also rocks

Kelsey gone gangsta

I am shooting a SHOT GUN, and I did awesome.

Most of the boys are in this picture: Jose, someone behind Kayla, James, Chris, Kelsey, John, and Gini

Queens of the Foothills

Last night, my roommates Gini Bond and Katelyn Bair and I went to a cabin as a former-roommates' retreat.  It was a sweet experience.  We laughed and caught up with each other, cooked with each other, watched John Wayne together; then today we drove to Mesa Falls and just drank nature in through our every sense.  It was really a release.

Upper Mesa Falls

Making enchiladas (Gini) and cutting a surprise pineapple (Katelyn) that someone left at the cabin!

The beautiful Idaho wilderness

When I'm Not Blogging...

It's usually because I am incredibly busy or have no access to a computer or both.  In this case, it's the last.  In the past couple of weeks, I have left Alaska, been to Ohio, driven across the country, stopped in Nebraska, stopped in Utah, and moved in to my apartment in Rexburg.  It's been so busy, and coinciding with that busyness, I've felt an abundance of love.  I should have been anxious, but all I've experienced is joy and peace.
Since I've arrived, I met my roommates, gone shopping for groceries, and today, I bought a computer.   This expenditure was very unexpected.  I'm posting from my new laptop.  It's a Toshiba.  I had the help of my dad and my savvy roommate, Gini Bond.  I'm so grateful for them!  If I didn't have that help, I probably wouldn't have been able to choose one so quickly.  I learned that it's best to not buy anything just because it meets the most basic needs.  It must also fill some of your wants.  If not, it will not be used enough to make up for the little money you did spend.  It's an investment, and investments have to make you happy.  Like marriage!  I think I will love my computer, partially because it's quality, and partially because it's mine.  This is a principle I must remember.  Who would have thought that buying a computer would have taught me so much?  Growing up definitely isn't the funnest thing in the world but it certainly is rewarding.  You get what you pay for. C:

Real fishing

Yesterday (Saturday, 18 August 2012), we went fishing in Bird Creek.  It was a cool, sunny morning and the tide was incredibly high.  We got there at its highest point, and the mouth of the creek that spilled into the inlet was murky and deep.  I'm sure there were fish in there, but we couldn't see them.  It was my parents, Hannah, and me.  My mom and I spent a considerate amount of time sitting in our chairs; myself, I was reading.  Hannah spent a considerate amount of time splashing in the mud, as the tide rapidly ebbed.  My dad spent a good amount of time losing our lures as he tried to unsnag our fishing lines.  This isn't unusual for our family.  There weren't  many people fishing there.  I'd say there were more or less than 10 in the course of the 5 hours we spent at the creek.  The best part of our excursion was when Hannah's pole snapped in half.  Why?  Well, Hannah was attached emotionally to that fishing pole.  That's fine I guess, but it was a piece of junk, more like a toy than an actual tool.  Dad would ask her every time we'd go out, "Why do you use that thing?"  He'd say "It's a piece of crap."  If you tally all the times she snagged and compared it to the other fishers in our family, I think his opinion would prove to be fact.  That, or Hannah is just really unlucky.  It was funny when her pole snapped, though, mostly because she did a little dance to try to get our attention.   She was a good 30 yards or so away with rushing water between us and her.
After fishing, we came home and watched The Hunger Games.  Now, I know lots of people who think it glorifies children killing children.  However, if you've read the books and seen the movie, you could analyze it in a much different light.  You could take it at more than face value.  What I see is the way an ordinary person can be pushed into doing extraordinary things; how people can be so oppressed that they no longer fight for freedom, the pursuit of happiness, and other natural rights; how even in the lowest point, people can rise together, if there is desire strong enough.  It shows, to me, a wicked time and a hopeless, miserable situation in which something good began to flourish.  I'm not a critic, but that's my opinion.

I'm a bear.

I just caught a fish out of a river with my bare hands!

Cake

I just turned on my Pandora radio.  The first song it played was "Love You Madly" by Cake.  I absolutely love geek rock.  I took this as a tender mercy from the Lord.
I went to institute tonight.  It felt so good to be there.  Last week, I tried to go and I got lost (funnily enough, if I had gone a little further west on Northern Lights Blvd, I would have made it there--even funnier is the fact that I know how to get there and this one night I could not REMEMBER!).  But tonight I found it!  I had this feeling of peace, a feeling that I'm doing alright.  It wasn't too strong, because I don't think it's time for me to pat my back just yet.  But hey, I just feel good, and I wanted to share the good feelings.  To my one reader, FEEL HAPPINESS!
PS: We're going fishing this weekend so I should hopefully (fingers cross) post some pictures soon.

Microburst

I smile in front in the hopes that passersby will be encouraged to keep walking.
I look behind to see the footsteps I leave, so that I know something in this world is mine.

Independence

Freedom is magnified by duty.  Joy is glorified in freedom.
Yesterday was 3 July; it was a fun day.  I worked the usual shift from 8 to 5, getting more done than we previously had ever in our assigned area.  After work, I came home and got dolled up for a date.  I wore a red floral shirt, blue jeans, a black cardigan, black ball earrings, with my hair pulled up in a pony tail and black flip flops on my feet.  My date was late, but I really didn't expect him to be there on time.  His name was Justin, a friend from work and one of the Gospel doctrine teachers in our ward.  He's one goofy kid.  He wears Ray Ban's glasses and looks like Clark Kent.  He has big brown eyes.  He is full of useless information and he's quirky fun.  He just got back from serving a mission in West Virginia almost a month after I returned from mine. He picked me up at 6:30, still basically in his work clothes; that made me feel better about not having showered.  He drove me to Eagle River, where he lives, and we got Subway sandwiches (spicy Italian, american cheese, spinach, bell peppers, tomatoes, chipotle sauce, toasted on Italian herbs and cheese bread).  This is going to sound lame, but we went to his elementary school and ate in the parking lot.  We played on the playground there, jumping off swings, seeing who could hang from the monkey bars the longest, riding this ridiculously complex merry-go-round, walking through the woods behind the playground.  It sounds really childish but I had such a good time!  We went to his house and talked to his family for a couple hours until just before midnight.  Then, we drove his car to a place where we could watch the 4th of July fireworks.  I said I wanted to sit on top of the car, so he obliged me.  He drove me home around a quarter til 1.  We saw fireworks on the drive home too.  We hugged at the door when he dropped me off, and that was weird for reasons I can't quite tell.  But he's funny and nice and he likes to read, so I've decided we will be friends.
Today is Independence Day.  I woke up at 8:30 and then, at 11, my parents and I went to see the parade in downtown Anchorage.  Kevin told me about it!  We left the parade early because it was sort of lame.  We saw enough, and there was a festival with rides and vendors in the middle of the parade route, on the grass.  It was nice to have that festival feeling, the one where you feel like you can eat everything; the smell of funnel cake and fried foods; giant blow up creatures and bouncy houses; and kids everywhere.  We came home to prepare for evening festivities with the Shorts, upstairs.  I actually took a nap, which left me groggy for a while, even once we were celebrating with the upstairs friends.  It was sweet oblivion!  We spent a couple hours just eating and talking with them and friends they'd invited over.  At one point, we went out back to blow up little hand fireworks like Pop-Its.  The food was well-supplied: tempura salmon, steak, chicken, potato salad, baked beans, meatballs, jello cake, etc.  I didn't even eat everything--I couldn't!  At the end of our feast, we watched Sherlock Holmes 2 together.  It was so fun.  I'm glad I'm AMERICAN.

Soldatna

Friday night, there was a dance in Soldatna, 1980's themed.  I drove out there with a friend from work:  Rachael Echols.  It was gorgeous.  We passed many lakes and rivers, some of them the color of jade.  As we drove past the inlet we could see the mountains mirrored in the water.  The mountainsides were green with trees, not like the brown of Utah mountains.  The dance was slow at first, barely filling half of the cultural hall.  As the night progressed, the room compressed but it never became overly crowded.  It was nice.  A girl from our ward, named Abby, was the DJ.  She was good; she didn't do the usual line-up of lame music.  The crowd was fun and adventurous!  The next day/Saturday/yesterday, we slept in til 10:30 because SOME people wanted to stay up until the wee hours, talking.  We stayed at Marlene and Robert Meyers's home, which was lovely; they are generous people.  Sister Meyers was one of those who elected to stay up talking--I won't hold that against her. C:  The next day we kayaked on a lake in the Meyers's neighborhood; we played frisbee; we played on a zipline.  I went upside down first, so I was like a pioneer.  We enjoyed each others' company.  It was refreshing to be among those young people.  Even on the drive home, it was nice talking to Rachael.  She's a kindred spirit really.  We stopped at a place called Beluga Point on the way home, climbed a big rock and looked at the inlet for whales.  We didn't see any this time.
I feel like I should have grown up here in Alaska.  Of course, if that were true, I wouldn't be in this family or be the person that I am.  I'm glad to be here now, even though there is so much I miss about my past.  That just means I've had a good life, doesn't it?
Rachael said something that I want to remember.  She said that it's fun to meet and make friends with new people, and it's sad to see them leave your life (that I already know very well) but in Heaven, we'll all be together and feel the joy we had in them, there!  I can't put it into the words she used, but man did it feel good to hear that!
I feel hope.

Flat Top

Last night I went on the funnest date ever!  At 6:15, Kevin arrived to pick me up, and he was early.  It was funny because I went to change into shorts, and I could hear my parents asking him about his family and his prospects.  I remember specifically hearing him say "I'm hoping to become a lawyer" and I thought "Good boy, Kevin!"  Ha ha ha.  I really want to remember that time because he was so sweet and thoughtful.  He and I hiked up a peak called Flat Top. It's very popular.  As such, I thought it would be an easy hike.  No--it had mud and ice and snow and slippery gravel.  Some parts were extremely steep.  From the side of the mountain, you can see massive piles of snow leading down down down in the mountain's folds.  In those snowbeds you can see lines where people thought it would be fun to slide down.  It looked like a water slide.  Kevin told me we could go down that, that it was safe.  I told him he was crazy.  We climbed, and just about the time I was getting exhausted, it was time to rock climb to the top of the peak.  There, it was flat (hence the name Flat Top).  It was a fun climb.  Once we were there, I felt way less tense, like I wasn't walking sideways on the world.  Ha ha.  He surprised me,  oh boy did he surprise me!  He had made sushi, really good  sushi, and chocolate-covered strawberries. Finally, on our trek down, I decided I didn't want to climb.  We went down the snowslide.  Kevin went first, his hands and head preceding him.  I followed, often losing control and digging my heels to slow my speed.  When I got to the bottom, Kevin caught me, and I bowled him over.  I need to remember this because obviously, someone thought it was worth that trouble to make me happy. C:

The Moose in the Bottom of the Cereal Box

It's amazing how in 3 weeks I've gone from sitting in the basement doing next to nothing, to being so busy I don't have time to do chores for the landlady.
I've begun a job on-base, mowing lawns.  Today was my third day.  It's very gratifying work, because I see the results of my labor almost immediately.  At the end of today, I was driving my mower through the streets, looking at the fresh-cut lawns.  It's a simple pleasure, to see lawns that were once ragged and unkempt given lines and order.  It's similar to the sensation of shaving your legs after a winter of pants and nylons.  I'm getting paid to do something that calms me down.
I went to institute today.  For those of you reading this, unfamiliar to LDS culture (ha, no one reads this), institute is similar to Bible study.  The difference is that it could be the Bible, the Book of Mormon, the Doctrine and Covenants, modern prophets, etc.  I could go on a spiel about the things we talked about but I would rather talk about my feelings.  I actually went to seminary twice this week because I'm lucky enough to live somewhere they do that.  I felt answers to questions I didn't know I had.  I felt peace.  I felt like there is still so much to accomplish.  I felt like the Lord was telling me that just because I'm not a missionary anymore, doesn't mean my work is over.  I felt the prompting: Expect miracles.  Still.  C:
Today, I was driving home from work; I was turning right at a stop-light, when in my peripheral view, I saw a horse.  I was thinking "Holy cow how did a horse get on base?  Someone should come get that horse."  When I looked up, however, I saw not a horse, but a baby moose crossing the street.

Doing VS. Becoming

I am in Alaska as of almost a week ago.
Now, how do I own it?  I've been sitting in the basement for almost a week just enjoying doing nothing.  But let's be honest, I have never enjoyed doing nothing.  I'm tired of being slow-paced.  On my mission, I know I drove many of my companions crazy because I do everything slowly.  That's something I'd like to change; because if I'm going to have it all, I have to grab it faster.
I need to become a fast person.

In the World

I've returned from serving an 18-month mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  I'm out of routine, out of structure, out of work, out of money.  It's a wonderful time of my life.  Since I've been back, I've read the Hunger Games, kissed a boy, and watched probably a million movies, among other things.
I've determined that I will learn to play the trumpet, study English education, and not have a boyfriend for a while.  These are some things to keep me busy.  The most important thing I am doing right now is sustaining my own conversion to the true and living church of Jesus Christ.  I read my scriptures every day and pray and go to church happily every Sunday.
I'm going to be real and let you in on a secret: I'm scared to death of where I am in my life.  I know it doesn't get easier as a body gets older.  Emotionally, I'm weird and possibly unstable.  Fiscally, I'm nada.  Intellectually, I don't even know where I stand.  I'm moving to Alaska in 3 days; you'd think I'd be used to shifting so much, but it chips away at my heart every time.  It seems as I delve deeper into faith, the leaps get longer and deeper.  But this is what I signed up for, so bring it on.