A Most Blessed Person

The last few weeks have afforded me so much opportunity.  I feel like a crab that is growing in its shell.  Some day, my shell will be too small.  I've suddenly become so incredibly poor and, wanting to take responsibility for my own care, I'm noticing how many things I've had done for me my whole life.  I didn't pay for school, for food, for clothes, for books, for fun--any of those thing--before.  Now, I have to be aware of what comes and goes in my world.  I have to plan as well as look back.  It's incredibly stressful, for example, to wonder how I'm going to pay for next semester, or how I'm going to find an internship.  These are things that I have to take care of, because I'm supposed to be a grown up.  Looking back, though, I am always reminded how I never wanted for anything.  It gives me joy and peace that far overwhelms my future anxieties.  I knew once in the deepest part of my heart that God was never going to leave me alone, and I'm reminded today that that is still true.  "Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeded out of the mouth of God."  As the ravens fed the prophet Elijah, so will the servants of God feed me, if I trust.  It sounds awfully poetic, but it's also very true.  The tears I might have shed in self-pity have been turned to tears of gratitude, as water into wine.

The Verge

Last night, I was struggling.  I don't really know why I struggle so much; all I can ascribe it to is this hard life.  Right as I was on the verge of tears, my roommate walked in with a package from my mom.  As I opened it, I looked through the many pictures my mom had sent; she sent it for my family history project--I decided to take my mom's pictures and create scrapbooks for our family's history.  As I looked, I remembered just how good my life has been.  It's been so full and so fun.  I have no real reason to be sad.